Behavioural changes take time. I am a tennis player and years ago I learned incorrect backhand technique, losing many balls to local gardens. Over time, the behavioural neuron paths grew wide and deep and this ‘wrong’ backhand technique became automatic. Nowadays, I may ‘know’ the right technique, I watch Roger Federer, I try and copy him, but I have discovered that it takes thousands of repetitions to undo an old habit, to create new muscle memory. It is the same with angry behaviour and with ingrained traumatic responses. This requires patience – which may not come easy when or anger and trauma are triggered.
Each time I hit a backhand, as I become aware of the old impulse arising in me to whack the ball, to act out, I consciously choose to impede it. I create space between trigger and response in which to form a new habit. I hit correctly, this is different, new – it requires focus, containment and discipline. Once correct technique is ingrained I can make creative choices about where to place the ball. Beautifully, in the space between awareness and action, I find freedom.