Why is my Child so Angry?
- Is he constantly losing his temper?
- Is she often disobedient?
- Do you feel unable to communicate with her at times?
- ADHD spectrum symptoms?
- Problems at school? Under threat of exclusion?
- Bullied? Bullying? Is he often confrontational? Worried about his friends?
- Are you losing patience? Do you wish that your love was enough?
Help your children now
Working with Anger can change the life of a child or teenager, and the experience of the whole family. I can offer your child and family structured help in a form you can all understand and feel comfortable with. Our children often blame themselves for problems in the family. When they address this the huge weight of anger and shame can lift from their shoulders. Sometimes I will suggest you all work together as a family. Your family can:
- Learn how to regulate angry behaviour
- Learn to express feelings rather than act them out
- Learn how to ask for what you want
- Learn to empathise
- Take the pressure off yourselves as parents and the family as a whole
- Learn new ways of looking at and doing things
- Have the opportunity to deal with personal anger issues and marital conflict in depth
Many parents and carers contact me about their children having anger issues. I believe that angry feelings “tell me something is wrong”. Your child may believe something is wrong at home or at school. I am currently working both with individual children and families in a time of need, in situations where their anger and angry behaviour is getting out of control. I am helping them make big changes in their lives.
This can be the start of a process of healing in the family. In the first session we will talk through your concerns, get some detail on your child’s behaviour and try and work out a strategy for helping him or her, while not labelling him ” a problem”. Often, by modelling different behaviour parents/carers can themselves help a child calm everything down and start to feel happier, more peaceful and less angry and hurt. Starting this work may be a relief for all the family as you realise there can be a way forward.
I work with many families where a child suffers from ADHD “package” symptoms. I use the term “ADHD” package as I have concluded that ADHD is not a real disease but a set of symptoms of varying intensity for each individual.
I have been working with children experiencing “ADHD package” symptoms, especially anger, helping many families and children in circumstances where their anger and angry behaviour is getting out of control. I also work with schools, helping children who are or about to be permanently excluded, helping them make big changes in their lives.
My starting point is that anger in a child is usually a symptom of something s/he feels is not “right” in the family. The child’s anger has a “voice” telling us they believe “somthing is wrong”. We, as parents, having to cope with our child’s behaviours, may not always hear this.
There can be a huge challenge and opportunity in the simple idea that we, as parents, through acknowledging our child’s anger, by working out what is worrying them, can start the process of healing in the family. By looking at how we ourselves respond to our child and to our role in how the family functions, we can start to make the changes needed in response to our childs angry voice, start to create a calmer family environment .
I have experienced many moments of beauty when months of work leads to a tiny but substantial shift in the family system. These I will always hold.
– David Woolfson
Letter from a Parent
“I have made a real effort in taking the unnecessary sting out of the situations in our home. You are totally right and it is the behaviour we are showing our son that he bounces back to us. So, calm has descended for the last 10 days. Our expectations of him are way out of line with what he is able to deliver regardless of how he converses and how grown up he seems. He behaves in direct proportion to the lack of consideration he is given and then when he doesn’t do what we want, when we want it the situation explodes. How totally unreasonable of us! He is a person who deserves respect and particularly as he is a child there are many things we need to take into account all the time. No different to how we treat one another or how we want to be treated ourselves.
I feel I am returning to the parenting I intended when my son was born. Keeping to my beliefs and trying not to lose focus – it’s about what his needs are and not what we want which may be an unreasonable request. Getting him to turn the television off is easy now that we don’t rush him at the last second or turn it off when he is watching something. My husband would be most annoyed if anyone told him to switch it off when he wasn’t ready so is more understanding now.
We are remembering not to control our son but cooperate with him and respect him as we would like, or more to the point, what he feels is respectful. After all he has our love but why does he get treated in ways he doesn’t like? He is the most important thing in our lives and it is up to us to ensure that he grows up loved, happy, healthy and safe – it’s our job to ensure this. I am so pleased that we came across your website, contacted you. I only hope that as parents to a wonderful, loving, caring boy we maintain what he needs including our time, patience, consideration, respect and truly unconditional love”